It’s almost Christmas as I write this. A few miles north of where I sit, my namesake is checking his list to see whether each and every one of us has been naughty or nice. Most of us could do with some help on the nice side, so if you’re a mentor, remember the first rule of mentoring: Don’t be a jerk.
We like being right
I meet loads of people who call themselves experts. A surprising number of them are actually quite knowledgeable. Quite a few of these even manage to translate this knowledge into something that provides value to others. Many, however, don’t help at all.
Translating knowledge into words that can be communicated, understood, and applied is hard. The temptation to play the know-it-all is overpowering to some. Far too many of us can’t help ourselves. We feel the need to prove we’re right. Our quick tongues can’t resist the urge to put down or ridicule. Our desire to help loses to a need to be recognized as clever.
Any fool can point out the problems
Too many mentors think our role is to point out all the problems. Entrepreneurs know startups are hard. If they don’t, time will teach them soon enough. They may have missed some nuances or completely missed something vital, but when they come to us, almost all of them come for help.
They’re looking for answers
They need help getting stuff done. They need solutions. There’s nothing wrong with helping them identify the problems, if that’s the phase they’re in – or if they’ve missed something big. Usually startups have a specific pain. It may be assistance in pinpointing where exactly they need help, but then they need the answer – or our advice on where to find it.
Answers that help, delivered so they can be used
Too many of us spend more time tearing down than building up. The American practice of sandwiching bad news in between good may seem superficial, but it can make advice easier to absorb and accept. Entrepreneurs are touchy about their startups.
Sometimes it’s not all about you
Half an hour of being told you’re an idiot makes people defensive and unreceptive to new ideas. Who knew? Sometimes dialing back the criticism makes it easier for us to make our point and provide help that makes a difference. No matter what your approach, follow the first rule of mentoring. Remember that we’re here to help. Don’t be a jerk.